We in the modern world think of life as a series of events to be approached, completed and put in our portfolio. We like beginnings, middles and ends. We want a certificate of completion to hang on our office wall. We are used to rushing off to the next event once the last one is behind us. After all, we live in a repetitively cyclical world of days, weeks, months and years. And hey, TGIF!
This is a pretty fundamental paradigm. By the very definition of paradigms, we don’t think about it much. But we need to consider a couple of things about this deepest of assumptions of how we live our lives.
The first thing we need to consider is that this is a pretty “new” concept as compared to human history. When I was growing up I lived in a house next door to my great aunt. She had been born and spent her entire childhood in the home where my family lived. When she married she moved next door where lived until she died in her late 90s. She never lived more than a few feet from her birth place. By contrast, during a recent 5-year span my wife and I moved 5 times, 4 of which were interstate moves. The point is, in human history her life was far more normal than mine.
We then must consider the consequences of our holding this event-oriented, transient paradigm of life. We change jobs, homes, sexual partners and/or spouses nearly as often as we change our underwear. “Let’s just get this over with and move on,” could easily be our modern, throw-away mantra. Any thinking person can see that this is not “a better way.” For one thing we are not molding better children to be better human beings. And all of this is the result of our event-oriented, get-it-done-and-move-on view of life.
We desperately need an alternative. As I have grown older I have observed that life is much better described as a process. My wife and I have been married for 42 years. Now it has been hard work to be married that long, probably harder for her than for me, but the young man who asked her to marry him had no idea he could love anyone as much as I now love her, or that he could be loved by someone as much as she loves me. The things we have experienced in the last 5 years were built on what we learned in the previous 37. Those years were not events to be finished with and catalogued away. They were building blocks for us to use to go deeper and deeper in our relationship. Now that is a paradigm of life as a process.
We must consider swapping our view of life as a series of events for seeing it as a process. That is a better way!
Principle Based Evaluation: If you believe that God builds relationally, then you must live in a way that invests in relationships. You simply cannot have a 20-year-old, deep relationship in 5 months.
For more information on the author, Gary Cake, go to: http://www.mtwm.org/
Morgan Prospek
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The Next Best Thing I completely agree! So many people today live life from one experience to the next. Once an experience gets old or uninteresting, they will search out the next event. I believe this is one of the primary reasons for the rise of divorce, homosexuality, and significantly reduced work ethic in our nation. At first, marriage seems like a great idea, until conflict arises and it is no longer enjoyable. The same is true for one's sexual orientation. And as far as work ethic, when people are living for Friday afternoon, simply filling in hours to pay the bills, the quality and effort they put into their work will greatly decline. A general discontentment with where they are at is driving people to constantly live for the next best thing. While we do not always need to be satisfied with where we are at, I believe we should be content in knowing that we are placed where the Lord has us for this time. I think this is one of the lifestyles that has crept into our culture unnoticed and am glad to see someone speaking up! I agree it is time we take time to invest in the places and relationships we are in NOW, not where we want to be someday. |
jordyn cline
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... The ability to think long-term, prepare for the future, and live intentionally is not easy. However, easy and convenient is the present-day mantra for our nation – especially the younger generation. When something inconveniences us or crosses our will, then we make a change. But the “change” is made by taking the easy road out and quitting. Being a high-school student, I see this in my generation and am guilty of it myself. When it comes to how my generation builds relationships, they are mainly built on shallow investments. When in high-school, kids don’t much farther than “wanting to be accepted by the popular crowd.” In reality, lasting relationships are much more fruitful and successful. But it takes sticking with the process to get it that way. It takes getting past the “living for the moment” mindset. Long-lasting relationships are hindered by the mindset of convenience. Relationships built to last are not convenient, they take work and sacrifice. The degree to which my generation is willing to invest in long-lasting relationships is the degree to which we will grow up to be future leaders what will receive a successful return in our area of stewardship. |
