Relationships are soooooooo multidimensional. Three aspects that come to mind are love, trust and intimacy. We often believe that the characteristics of one of these aspects of relationship apply to the other two. When we make that assumption we are wrong. For instance, love is supposed to be strong. Real love is willing to overlook a whole bunch of infractions on the other person’s part. In the Bible love is described by such words as enduring, patient and hopeful. On the other hand, intimacy is fragile. One misspoken word between lovers can shatter a long-built sensitivity between them. Intimacy, like a fine piece of crystal, is beautiful because of its fragility.
So what about trust? We have all most likely heard the old adage, “Love is given freely but trust is earned.” While not certain that love is ever free, I believe that trust is definitely earned. But how?
Like many things in life, the answer is simple but not necessarily easy. Trust is earned by commitments made and kept. If you say you will be somewhere at such and such a time and actually show up on time, you just built up a little reserve in the trust bank of your relationship. If you say you’ll take out the garbage, do the dishes or the wash…. You can finish that sentence, can’t you?
Then it moves up to bigger things, such as staying within an agreed-upon budget or, hey guys, honoring your marriage vows and not looking at other women.
It really is simple – trust is developed by making agreements and keeping them. It seems like this ought to just come natural, but it doesn’t. We have to learn to honor commitments. You see, it’s about character. No one trusts intentions; they trust character. They trust that there is something in you that will demand of yourself that you keep your word even if it costs. That kind of character is learned. It is something we ought to be teaching our children and that we should have learned from our parents. But if you didn’t, you can start now.
What if you have blown trust to pieces? What if there is huge credit card debt? Or lies? Or even an affair? If these kinds of things have happened, you may find your balance in the trust bank at -0. But…you can start to rebuild your savings. Rebuilding trust often begins by sincerely asking the question, “Where have I hurt you?” How you listen to the answer will be huge. Don’t ask it until you are ready to hear the answer without defensiveness. Salt your response with humility and sorrow and you are on your way to getting out of the minus column. The temptation will be to expect a sudden return to trust. Wrong! Start showing up on time. Start taking out the garbage. Start making and keeping small agreements. In time you’ll get back to the …. I started to write “the important stuff.” Oops. The small stuff is important! In time you will get back to the big stuff.
Principle Based Evaluation: Trust is built on commitments made and kept, pure and simple.
For more information on the author, Gary Cake, go to: http://www.mtwm.org/
Tom Jackson
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Truth hurts but sets us free I know there are deep waters beneath these comments and identify totally! |
Steve Russell
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The Nature of the Garden is Weeds. Virtue does not come automatically. It is a learned response. When we practice it faithfully, it becomes second first nature. When we read about a heroic act and proclaim it "miraculous" we are discounting the virtue of acting altruistically. According to 1 Cor. 15:58 what we do in this life matters eternally. I like to think of it as building eternal character. |
Ramah Walker
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Trust I am in total agreement with what Gary Cake has written because you can see this in everyday life. You can see this in the workplace in how you job performance is. The more your boss can trust you the more the responsibility and higher level of respect you receive. When you can gain trust with someone they become easier to relate and talk to. Even if you don’t have a close relationship with your boss it is good for your boss to know that they can rely on you when no one else has made that impression on them. If you gain this trust with your fellow coworkers I am sure it is easier to work and more efficient at work. Knowing someone’s got your back or will help you out when you need it makes work less stressful. (For more on trust in the workplace: http://findarticles.com/p/arti...ntent;col1) Trust between friends is so important because that is what it is built on. Without trust there is not a way to connect and build relationship. Trust is the foundation to a relationship and without a foundation a house cannot stand for it is bound to fall. In a relationship between close friends, there are times when something needs to be spoken when one needs help. If there is not trust built up, then what needs to be shared won’t be said. This trust can be stored up like how Gary Cake mentioned in that it is through the small things that you can gain trust. Fulfilling a commitment grows a heart of trust towards someone. (A study on friendship and trust was done: http://www.interpersona.org/pd...6c34ba.pdf |
