I have raised five children. My experience does not necessarily make me wise, but accumulated knowledge applied to my life’s experience has yielded some fruit of wisdom. The Bible declares that knowledge, understanding, and wisdom are primary building blocks of life. Human disciplines, such as mathematics and science, also stress the importance of these fundamentals.
Early in my life of parenting, I discovered a primary and indisputable pearl of wisdom: self-government is learned through parental discipline. In applying discipline, my role was not that of the punisher for unacceptable deeds. My role was to train my child in the ability to self-discipline. That may sound contradictory, as I was the big one carrying the “big stick.” However, if pain was the only lesson my child learned, I had failed to obtain the greater goal.
Discipline must never include the element of power struggle. Doubtless, the adult is the greater power who can yell louder or exert the stronger physical pressure. Pain can be inflicted through power struggles, but no knowledge of self-government is cultivated. The child is taught that might makes right. Bullying, intimidation, threats of violence, or other such physical displays of rulership are learned and will undoubtedly be practiced upon the child’s siblings or peers. Such inculcation builds adults who are inclined toward crime on a societal level or anarchy on a governmental level.
To avoid power struggles, the child should be taught to submit to discipline, which is to be meted out in just and controlled doses. Whether a parent is applying a time out or a rod of correction, the child must be brought to a posture of compliance, thus signifying that the child has activated self-control, acknowledged the hierarchy structure, and chosen submission in a spirit of humility. Such inculcation builds adults who are of great value in the market place and priceless in relationships.
Training the child in self-restraint is accomplished by the proper use of correction and through the example set by the parent. A child who has learned to control his or her spirit in the pre-school years, will more easily implement the skill of self-discipline to scholastics, in the rigors of athletics, and throughout hormonal changes. During the teenage years when the child’s volition must be matured, the parent’s role shifts to more of a guide and counselor. If power struggles are still the preferred mode of pedagogue with a teen, the parents have almost forfeited the opportunity to train the child in self-control.
A self-governed child produces a self-governed adult. A self-governed adult does not need to be forced into compliance by the threat of violence from an external parent figure, because the self-governed adult will voluntarily embrace and apply truth. A family of self-controlled persons is peaceful and gratifying. A business of self-controlled workers is productive and prosperous. A nation of self-controlled citizens is law abiding and freedom seeking.
Principle Based Evaluation: The family unit is the core value-setting place within a culture. The wisdom of self-government or the folly of power struggles results from the application of parental discipline. (Prov. 16:32)
For more information on the author, Dr. Patti Amsden, go to: www.pattiamsden.org
Tessa Hart
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From the fourth born I'm not a parent yet, but I am the fourth born in a family of five. I can honestly say that my parent have and are doing it right. I cannot remember a time when they spanked my out of anger. But it wasn't as though they took hours bribing me into submission. I think there's a time when the will just gets worn out and the only option is to submit. Self-control/government is one best character qualities a person can have. I know it has saved me and many others from a lot of trouble. I hope that when I'm a parent I will train my children in self-government so that when they are parents they will do the same. Thank you Dr. Patti Amsden for writing this article. God is pleased will you. |
Jaelle Hamann
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Love and Discipline I completely agree that a parent is the discipline in a child's life. They show them the path of righteousness and help pave the way with corrective discipline. But one thing I did not here from this article was making sure the child understood that this was a labor of love. My parents always hugged me and kissed me after I had been disciplined if I broke down crying. They would tell me they loved me, thus in my mind easing any anger or wrongness I might feel from being corrected. Therefore I didn't grow in rebellion or feel like I was served an injustice, rather I realized that my parents no matter what always wanted what was best for me. I think this is key for a child to understand. Discipline without love will only plant seeds of mistrust in a child's heart. They need to know that their parents are rooting for them. Then they can turn their hearts will love and honor towards the will of their parents and like the article says become successfull, we-adjusted, self-governing adults. |
Dennis P.
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Response to Stuart Stuart, that's a good observation, and as you know, we believe self-government is the foundation of all true freedom and prosperity and it is mentioned consistenly in issues dealing with values as well as economics. We have chosen to focus there more than anywhere else for awhile, but as we gain momentum, we hope to apply the same energy to all 6 areas of the website. Thanks, Dennis |
